Saturday, July 12, 2008

Watch out...I'm on the road

So last night I reached a conclusion after nearly 10 years of being on the road: I am a bad driver.
I've never really thought of it before, but we've all been in the car before with someone who isn't a good driver, and it's one of those things that you'll never know if you're good or bad at (which I also wonder if I'm good at washing people's hair since some girls are NOT, but that's a whole other post). My driving record isn't too horrible--something like 2 speeding tickets and one accident, but in the past 6 months I have been pulled over three times, 2 of which have been for driving drunk. DRUNK? Let me state for the record, here and now, that I have never driven drunk, or done anything drunk for that matter. I apparently just can't drive in a straight line.
Let me also state, for the record, that I have contemplated whether or not this situation is "blog worthy." Why, might you ask, wouldn't it be? Multiple reasons: a) i'm still somewhat embarrassed that I even HAVE a blog and think anyone out there really cares that much about my little anecdotes. b) i would hate to have a future employer google me and find a post about drunk driving. and c) I don't want to fall victim to posting extremely embarrassing/personal stories for all of cyberspace to enjoy.
With that said, I'll continue. Last night I'm driving home at 12:45 am, when just as I pull onto my street I see the rather festive flashing red and blue lights in my rearview mirror. I KNEW I hadn't been speeding, and my registration didn't expire till the end of the month, so needless to say I was at a complete loss. This is what went down:

No greeting, just shines the 4,000 watt flashlight in my eyes
Officer: License please.
Me: Sure, but can I ask why you're stopping me?
Officer: Your tire crossed the yellow line at least half a dozen times, and this is the time of the night when people are leaving the bar.
Officer inhales deeply through his nose
Officer: It doesn't smell like you've had anything to drink...?
Me: Nope, never have.
Officer: sighs audibly, obviously disappointed.
Officer: Why weren't you driving straight?
I ponder for a while, trying to determing what response he is looking for
Me: I was just jammin out.
Officer: sighs again, since I am such a disappointing specimem
Well, head home. And please drive more carefully.

WHAT?!?!? I have decided there is quite possibly some odd pheremone I emit that attracts officers of the law within a 40 mile radius, at which point any excuse to pull me over will do. After which, they inevitably tell me to "Go home," a concept I truly do not understand because I was under the impression I could go wherever I wanted, regardless of what time it is.

So watch out--I may be on the road late at night, and my tire just might touch the yellow line. But don't worry--I'm not drunk, just a bad driver.


Kristen said...

look at you blog, you blogger you!!! impressive. as always, i love to hear your super funny stories that are COMPLETELY blog worthy. seems silly to do it now, but you'll look back on that blog that you published someday and remember how much fun you've always been.

Jessica said...

just remember.. "blinkers save you from getting tickets"

Jason&Lindi said...

Hehe, I can't say that I am super surprise! Remember "pick a lane T, pick a lane!" I love it! I also love that you are a blogger!

mcbingham said...

Wow hon you are one amazing storyteller. I totally feel like I was there with you and wishing those bright lights weren't after me!! P.S. You are one heck of a head washer...and the massages are very relaxing, so no worries!

Katie said...

You really do have all the luck when it comes to Logan's Finest (AKA the lame cops of Logan who have nothing to do but pull people over for crossing the line half a dozen times. . . who's counting things like that anyways??) At least they just send you home - things could always be worse. Oh, and don't get offended when I no longer allow my children riding priviliges in your vehicle.

Kristen said...

I tagged you on my blog! Here's how it goes...
List 3 joys, 3 fears, 3 goals, 3 current obsessions, 3 random facts about yourself. Then, you tag 3 people of your choice to play along.