So last night I reached a conclusion after nearly 10 years of being on the road: I am a bad driver.
I've never really thought of it before, but we've all been in the car before with someone who isn't a good driver, and it's one of those things that you'll never know if you're good or bad at (which I also wonder if I'm good at washing people's hair since some girls are NOT, but that's a whole other post). My driving record isn't too horrible--something like 2 speeding tickets and one accident, but in the past 6 months I have been pulled over three times, 2 of which have been for driving drunk. DRUNK? Let me state for the record, here and now, that I have never driven drunk, or done anything drunk for that matter. I apparently just can't drive in a straight line.
Let me also state, for the record, that I have contemplated whether or not this situation is "blog worthy." Why, might you ask, wouldn't it be? Multiple reasons: a) i'm still somewhat embarrassed that I even HAVE a blog and think anyone out there really cares that much about my little anecdotes. b) i would hate to have a future employer google me and find a post about drunk driving. and c) I don't want to fall victim to posting extremely embarrassing/personal stories for all of cyberspace to enjoy.
With that said, I'll continue. Last night I'm driving home at 12:45 am, when just as I pull onto my street I see the rather festive flashing red and blue lights in my rearview mirror. I KNEW I hadn't been speeding, and my registration didn't expire till the end of the month, so needless to say I was at a complete loss. This is what went down:
No greeting, just shines the 4,000 watt flashlight in my eyes
Officer: License please.
Me: Sure, but can I ask why you're stopping me?
Officer: Your tire crossed the yellow line at least half a dozen times, and this is the time of the night when people are leaving the bar.
Officer inhales deeply through his nose
Officer: It doesn't smell like you've had anything to drink...?
Me: Nope, never have.
Officer: sighs audibly, obviously disappointed.
Officer: Why weren't you driving straight?
I ponder for a while, trying to determing what response he is looking for
Me: I was just jammin out.
Officer: sighs again, since I am such a disappointing specimem
Well, head home. And please drive more carefully.
WHAT?!?!? I have decided there is quite possibly some odd pheremone I emit that attracts officers of the law within a 40 mile radius, at which point any excuse to pull me over will do. After which, they inevitably tell me to "Go home," a concept I truly do not understand because I was under the impression I could go wherever I wanted, regardless of what time it is.
So watch out--I may be on the road late at night, and my tire just might touch the yellow line. But don't worry--I'm not drunk, just a bad driver.